Why are we friends?

I've had two such conversations before. The first time was with Audrey. We were both in the same class, and we had a rather heart-to-heart chat for people who didn't know each other too well. I forget how long it was that I knew her. But we essentially agreed on this -- there was no one in that class that we felt that we had to be friends with. There is that feeling when you're in a group of strangers, meeting for the first time, that feeling that a person gives out that makes you want to know them. We didn't feel it in our new class. We became friends anyway, but it's not that kind of a friendship.

I related this story to Amy a few months after I met her. I told her that we aren't friends by choice, but by circumstances. She replied that even given the circumstances, we could have chosen not to talk to each other. Years later, she told me that I used to dress weird when I first started college. I don't think that conversation that one time helped. I don't think I've said anything like that to anyone since. She was probably right when she said that I got more normal after 4 years.

I realize on hindsight that if I could tell someone I barely knew what I was really thinking, there has to be a special something that made me trust that person enough to tell them that. There are thus 3 categories of friends -- the ones you don't care enough to tell the truth to, the ones you don't feel enough for but tell the truth to, and the ones that you feel for from the very start. I wonder if the first category even qualifies as friend.

It took me a long time to find real friends, i.e. category 2 and 3 people. Before I met people I naturally got along with, I was clueless about what friendship should really mean. I probably still don't. But there are just some people in the world that I know little about, barely see, and think a lot of. Time and distance make absolutely no difference. And there are others that I slowly discover and eventually accept as important.

Someone I recently met is leaving. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. It's my first time facing a natural friend that I may never see again. Someone I barely know because there hasn't been enough time; someone whom I feel can really be a close friend.

I don't feel sad though. Time and distance don't matter. Never seeing him again won't matter. Because I know he exists.