The coffee and tea dilemma

It hits me once in a while, like now, that all my writing is futile. What exactly am I trying to say that is so meaningful? I thought it'll be fine if I start out by telling myself that I don't intend to say anything here. If something meaningful does get mentioned, it is a matter of chance. I don't believe this consistently.

The other way to do things is to ensure that that my words are meaningful. But it's exhausting trying to make meaning. Sometimes it comes naturally. On other nights, I just want to let words take form and flow. There is something personally satisfying to see words link up. I have been told that I sound exactly like me, which is kind of nice. I've met several of real published writers and have always been disappointed because they are nothing like how I imagine. In other words, their words don't seem reflect who they are. But back to the point about meaning.

You can make meaning out of everything really. I recall this conversation with Nicolas. He asked me if I was a tea or a coffee person. Growing up, I've had a cup of tea every morning. A lot has been said about memories related to tea and madeleines, so I don't need to dedicate 20 pages to tea alone. Naturally, I declare myself to be a tea person. Nicolas disagreed. I am a coffee person, I just haven't realized it.

Well, what exactly do you mean by a coffee person? Imagine me with a cup in my hand. Imagine it filled with coffee. What do you think of me? Now, imagine it filled with tea. What do you think of me now? Frankly, the images of me with tea and coffee are colored very differently in my head. But I come with my own set of cultural prejudices about tea and coffee. That said, whether I am a tea or a coffee person doesn't mean I actually drink either. And whether I drink either beverage doesn't mean that I am either. You are not what you eat, not in that sense. Your choice of drink or food may reflect who you are, but the way you handle your choices speaks more about you.

That much said, does this mean anything to you? I have discussed the meaning of tea and coffee, and have realized that there could be meaning or no meaning. If I were more arrogant, I would call this a koan. But really, labels don't mean much, and I'm too uncertain to say anything more.