The Irony of Being On the Other Side

I watch other people struggle for freedom and independence, keeping in mind how independence was forced upon my expelled country. Why do countries insist on keeping people who don't want to stay? Or is my example of a country too willing to give up land an anomaly?

Sustainable materialism

For my sister's birthday this year, I got her a book -- Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. I chose this book for the following reasons:
1. I wanted her to think more deeply about money
2. I needed a book that she can read easily without getting bored

Nevermind that some friends of mine think the book is more fluff than substance. My goal was to make her reconsider her definition of being rich and her relationship to money. I was afraid she would become one of those many people who live paycheck to paycheck, no matter how large that paycheck is. I've seen a good share of people with more money than the average college student, who somehow had to borrow more money from their parents. I think it shows something about a person's character -- namely an inability to be disciplined and self-sufficient -- and I don't like that. I'm huge on being independent.

I don't mean to discourage her from wanting the material goods in life. Instead, I want her to go all out to get what she wants, on a sustainable self-reliant basis. I want her to realize that having a paycheck doesn't mean she can afford a big fancy something. Most people don't earn enough to buy that big ticket item.

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An aside: I hate listening to the radio these days.

Yes, the Fed is dropping rates and trying to inject liquidity, but that doesn't really mean that the liquidity is going to get to you. You hear these ads on the radio all the time -- "Mortgage rates are at an all-time low" Yes, but the money isn't going to get to you that easily. All the current financial mess is caused by a bunch of banks lending money to people who shouldn't be getting loans, the same people who are facing foreclosures and think they somehow deserve help because they got screwed. The truth of course is that they are screwing everyone else who is playing by the rules.

The worst ad must be the one that recommends getting a special loan to pay for that cosmetic surgery procedure that will change your life. It's appealing to people with poor self image and bad financial sense. I mean, how many people seriously really need cosmetic surgery to live a proper life? Breast augmentation is a totally different ballgame than reconstructive surgery for someone who's had a mastectomy.

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Anyway, about my sister and her financial intelligence. For her 19th birthday, I want to give her the gift of never becoming one of the dumb financially illiterate masses. I hope she realizes that the book I gave her is wanting. I hope it'll start her thinking about what it really means to be rich -- not to just appear rich, to have a car that you can barely pay for, dinners and vacations that you are paying for by credit card -- but to live without financial worry.

More about food in Harvard Square

I had a craving today (yes, another one) -- I wanted a cream cheese brownie. I decided to give ABP another go. I walked there, stared at the small selection for about a minute and walked away. The memory of that chocolate cornmeal muffin haunted me.

There were 2 other possible baked goods places in Harvard Square a year ago -- the Greenhouse cafe, and another Cafe Paradiso or something like that. They are both gone this year.

I tried Starbucks, but nothing looked delicious. Where else?

There was only one place left -- Dunkin Donuts. Yes, I am serious. I just wanted something delicious, and it didn't have to be a cream cheese brownie anymore. I bought a chocolate glazed donut for 89 cents at Dunkin Donuts. Light sugar crust, soft cakey mild chocolate donut. It wasn't overwhelmingly sweet. It was perfect for 89 cents.

I think I'll be going to Dunkin Donuts for my sweet fix next time. I discovered that they also sell chocolate muffins. All they need to do is use donut batter and add chocolate chips and that should be a perfect chocolate muffin.

American Runs on Dunkin? I wonder why.

Chocolate muffins and fried calamari

I had a Proustian moment yesterday.

I've been having a craving for chocolate muffins, and I finally got hungry enough to walk out in the cold for a mid-afternoon snack yesterday. I have a memory of eating a chocolate muffin, warm, moist and oozy with melting chocolate bits. This is a Berkeley memory, and I probably got the muffin at the on-campus cafe, or maybe the supermarket. I wanted that muffin.

The muffin I found at ABP was nothing like the chocolate muffin of my past. Dry, cornmeal-y for some odd reason, with rare bits of chocolate. I even tried microwaving it. ABP was the only place I could think of that sells chocolate muffins; The on-campus cafe doesn't carry it. Verdict: sometimes, it's better to continue dreaming.

I was reminded recently of my mother's fried calamari. I was 6-7 then, when she was still willing to fry food. My mother is a progressive sort of person -- she goes through phases and never comes back to them again. It's somewhat disappointing since I don't have any homey-comfort food when I go home to visit. There is always something new instead.

The crunch of the batter, the bits of salt, the chewy bits of squid. Perfect, and never to be had again. I still have hopes for the chocolate muffin though.

Balloon fashion

I'm pasting a link here for my future reference, and to share:

Balloon Fashion

I taught myself to twist little balloon animals for fun last year, but I haven't been serious about it. My balloons are probably too old to twist now.

poverty in science

I found out last night that a friend is eligible for food stamps. It was rather disturbing. My friend has a PhD, and he has a perfectly normal job as a postdoc. Unfortunately, he also has a wife and two kids. Fortunately, this is just a temporary situation for him.

But seriously, how is the average household supposed to cope? Childcare is crazily expensive in this country (not to mention healthcare and other things). How is a man/woman supposed to get a family and kids if someone has to stop working the moment the kid comes along?

Conclusion: poor grad students aren't really poor. Wait till they become poor postdocs.

another blow to the average woman

Despite what they say, bags are not one-size-fits-all. That realization came to me this morning when I was walking to school. There on the road in front of me was a tall thin woman with the sort of figure that reminds me of a supermodel (at least what I think a supermodel might look like). She was wearing a bag in a way that made me think "wow, perfect!". It was a large brown leather thing with short handles that hook over a shoulder. I'd usually think that it's ugly, but this morning I felt that it was sophisticated. I still wouldn't buy it, but that's only coz I'm still stuck on bright furry things. And I'm the wrong build for it.

The thing that stuck me was that the bag was a perfect size for her. It's like a tailored suit, except it was a bag -- it fitted perfectly. You have to be of a certain height to carry a bag of a certain length; you have to be of a certain width to carry a bag that is that wide. The proportions were perfect on her.

Of course, having seen perfection I finally saw how few women had the perfect shoulder/hand bag. Cringing while I walked past people on the street -- wrong color, wrong size. Wrong wrong wrong.

Most large bags overpower the petite woman. They make her look small and chubby. Most women are not very tall or very thin. And we all know that clothes were designed for the tall thin woman. This now includes bags.

To be safe, I'm sticking to small bags for now though I can't figure out what to do with my oversized laptop backpack that's obviously wrong for me.

Mundane observations 1

I was at home over winter break, and my mom bought ground beef. The way I like to cook it to to season it, and fry it till the oil comes all out. In the US, ground beef comes as 80%, 85% or 93% lean usually. The package at home is unmarked -- what does that mean?

It turned out that the amount of fat in my ground beef was negligible. Couldn't even pour off the grease. I think that makes it better than 93% lean. Just coz products are better labeled (and thus marketed) here doesn't make it any better.

US - 0; Outside - 1.

Mac rant part 2

I thought I was done with the ranting, but here I go again. The trigger this time is an e-mail sent by a tech support guy in school whom I personally know. He doesn't know that I'm posting parts of his e-mail though.

"I do not know who serviced this computer before. I opened it up and found many of the screws were missing and a part near the battery compartment was broken. The functionality of the computer does not depend on these screws or broken part but I still expect them to be there."

And guess what, I expect all the screws to be there too! The only people who have opened up the laptop prior to the tech guy are people working for Apple. I wonder who left the insides of my computer in a mess. With such poor work quality, I don't think I actually expect more if I had purchased the more expensive Powerbook version (currently the MacBook Pro).

I wonder what would have happened if I had purchased the 3-year Applecare plan -- would they have accused me of messing up the insides, thus voiding the warranty? It certainly doesn't sound like they were planning for anyone to crack things open, except it doesn't matter to me coz I no longer have a service plan.

I'm sticking to PCs. Not that I think they have better tech support, but they are simpler inside. That means with the help of smarter friends, I might be able to fix my own stuff. *growl* Can't trust anyone these days.

I'm over Macs. Mac users tend to like their machines a lot, and rave about the excellent service and such. Blah blah blah. My personal experience with Macs is that they aren't so great. The service isn't stellar either. I spent hours on the phone with a tech help guy who refused to acknowledge that my hard drive was down, and made me spend hours over the phone before agreeing to let me ship it back for repairs (this was about a year after I got the computer). It took them another 3 weeks of replacing everything single part to finally get to my hard drive (written on the report sheet). My labmate was able to tell me that my hard drive was down minutes after looking at it.

Most recently, I received further confirmation that lemons do exist in the land of Macs. The dear computer (hard drive down a year ago) mysteriously stopped working. Things were whirling, but the screen wouldn't show anything. Using an external screen didn't solve the problem. Trying to boot my computer in Target mode didn't work either (can't read the hard drive as an external drive). Unfortunately, the department messed up and didn't get me the 3-year Applecare plan, so instead of having slightly questionable repair people working on it, I have highly questionable people working on it instead. It's been 2 months, and I've given up on the Mac ever returning.

To be fair, it's important to share what I found good and bad about Macs, not just rave about the good things. It makes no difference, Mac or PC. It doesn't matter to most users who just want to read their e-mails and various websites and write word documents. On the other hand, if your hardware fails and you want a cheap replaceable part, PC is the way to go.

Anyway, the highlight of my day: One thing PC users can do that Mac users can't.

Limitations of my thought experiment

Shortly after I described my "Eat what you can kill" diet, I went to dinner with a couple of concerned labmates and had a serious discussion about my dietary philosophy. They rightly pointed out that my idea of killing was limited to me with a knife in hand, and a huge animal in front of me.

There are many ways to kill an animal. For instance, I could shoot it. I have to agree that shooting a beast is as impersonal as it can get, especially when it's 50 or more feet away. I actually don't have problems with hacking the carcass up so I am actually capable of killing and eating an animal.

I could also ram a car or some equally large vehicle into a poor beast. It's a waste to not consume road kill. Another easy possibility is seafood -- if I can take it out of water, it's mine to feast upon. That said, I am not sure about tuna.

I finally saw a tuna 2 years ago. It wasn't a tiny fish; it was huge. It didn't look as cute as a dolphin though. Is that why people worry about dolphin-friendly tuna, but not about the tuna? Anyway.

We then discussed other even more philosophical and scientific ideas. For instance, instead of Schrodinger's cat, I could have a Schrodinger's cow. If the cow happens to die due to reasons I can't control, I could eat it.

So yeah, I have to admit that it's a poorly defined criteria for determining what I can consume. There are too many impersonal ways to kill an animal, and it disturbs me to think that the same methods can be applied to a human being. I don't like this thought experiment too much. It's depressing, and I've gotten nothing done.

A thought experiment

I was reading the New Yorker (as usual) the other day, an article about a guy with a private navy who hunts down illegal fishing ships. It somehow got me thinking about the food I eat (again).

Can I kill the animal that I eat? If I can't go to the grocery store to get nicely cut beef, can I go to my hypothetical barnyard and kill the cow? If I can do that, then I'll eat it. So far, I figure I can probably kill a chicken so I could eat that. I'm not so sure about other types of meat though.

I'm one meal into this new "Eat only what you can kill" diet, not counting breakfast since I never have meat for breakfast. I'm not sure how long I'll last.

I've been eating way more meat since I moved to Cambridge, mostly because I can't get excited over the sparse variety of vegetables I find at my grocery store. I wonder if it's possible to go back to the way I was.

woohoo!

My computer died on the last Thursday of September, and finally today I have a new computer of my own. I've been borrowing a department laptop for over a month, and while it was helpful, it was also annoying that I couldn't install anything. It was an older computer so everything was a little out of date, including virus protection. It was slightly disturbing.

I've gone back to a PC. It was a hard decision to make until the tech guy in the department told me that if I were to buy a Mac, I really should go for a MacBook Pro, coz the MacBooks have inferior hardware. It was a hardware problem that sank the last notebook, and while I know I probably got a lemon, I can't face a Mac again for now. That pretty much settled it.

So hurray! I can use hyperlinks in my posts again, and the first article I'm linking is The Economic Consequences of Mr Bush. I know it's great -- a Vanity Fair magazine article by a Nobel laureate.

The carbon footprint of a biologist?

Maybe I'm sensitive, but there seems to be a lot of articles on green living and such floating around recently. My roommate (a fellow budding scientist) sent me an e-mail petition (something about scientists concerned about the environment) to ask Toyota to adopt better fuel efficiency standards for all their cars/SUVs. This is all great. I'm not new to environmental issues; I've been talking about them since I was 9/10.

A list of concepts of interest (I'm not linking them, but I'm sure you can search for them):
1. small, compact fuel efficient cars get comparable mileage than hybrids, for ~$5000 less (that's a whooping 25-30% of the price of a car!).
2. Just because a company sells a popular hybrid car (like the Prius) does not mean that they are greener than their competition. Consumers and scientists have themselves to blame if they were ever deluded that Toyota is greener than any other car manufacturer.
3. eating meat is bad for the environment
4. an efficient, fully-loaded dishwasher uses less water than a person washing dishes by hand. (My problem with this is that I've been taught to turn the water off while soaping my dishes. Most people soap while leaving the water running, so I can see how a dishwasher is better. But I turn the water off, so how do I compare?)
5. global warming is for real! (those far-off ideas I heard about 15 years ago are actually true! *shudder*)

Anyway, focusing on my self evaluation, with particular relation to my current career path: a graduate student researcher.

Things that worry me:
1. I and my labmates throw away a ton of plastic every day -- eppendorf tubes, Falcon tubes, pipet tip boxes (I use the reloadable ones, but there aren't reloadable boxes for filter tips).
2. There are always styrofoam boxes, and cold packs (what's in them?) in the trash. These packing materials are necessary because we order enzymes and other perishables that need to be kept cold. Some companies (like BioRad) have a recycling program, but no one seems to take the trouble to read the form, fill in the labels, and bring the box back to shipping for return.
3. Where does the chemical waste go? We have strict rules for labeling and disposal of chemical waste, but it's still a ton of solvents. But if big pharmas deal with chemical waste, the amount put out by research institutes must be manageable.

In case someone else is reading this article, I am not worried about radioactive waste because we use minimal amounts of radioisotopes in lab, and they are properly disposed. I'm thinking back to the opening of the Molecular Foundary back at Cal, where people were protesting the use of radioactive isotopes. It's more public hysteria and misunderstanding, IMHO. Or I just have a magically higher tolerance for radioactivity than others.

So yeah, I was wondering about the environmental impact of different jobs.

Tales of Mere Existence

I was going to post links to this series of videos I just discovered on youtube before I realized that Safari (at least the version I'm using), doesn't allow me to add hyperlinks the way I used to. I'm pasting the ugly link like this (http://www.youtube.com/user/AgentXPQ) until I figure out how to make it look nicer...or until I get a new computer.

Anyway, to explain what I'm linking -- this guy does pencil and paper animation about the minute things in life. The series is aptly named "Tales of Mere Existence".

I've been a hapy Mac user for 2 years, but I feel like it's time to switch back to Windows again. Mac's software is great, but I've had 2 hardware failures the last 2 years I've owned my iBook. Perhaps I'm plain unlucky. I really like the Mac OS. The hardware is just not reliable for me. Between software issues and hardware issues, I think the choice is clear. PS. I'm not getting Vista, don't worry.

Fear

While I am really curious about all those reports that promise to give the true picture of what is going on in Myanmar right now, I'm afraid to click on those links. If you're curious and unafraid, you should check reddit out.

I think my fear stems from a documentary I saw many years ago when I was young, maybe about 9. It was about the genocide in Cambodia and it was on tv. For the first time in my life, I saw stacks of real human skulls. That, and an old faded Coca-Cola billboard is all I remember about that documentary. Cambodia and Myanmar are in similar parts of the world. It's not so hard to imagine Burmese skulls in a jungle.

I read an article linked by Reddit yesterday morning about how Singapore indirectly aids the Burmese junta by providing banking and medical services. It was disturbing. A friend later sent out an e-mail with more articles describing the Singapore-Myanmar economic/military link. I visited a monastery in Myanmar once. Is that famous monk who blessed me still alive? And if he is dead, was it before he could see the terrible things that are being done to his fellow monks?

I just want to stay in bed all day.

schmotivation

Motivation? Schmotivation. I recently decided that I needed to get a little more motivated, and thought it would be a good idea to add some motivation blogs to my google reader list. After about a week, I've given up. I chose the wrong sites, so this morning I unsubscribed.

I first noticed these blogs on reddit coz people were up-voting them, and they've appeared enough times for me to somehow get the notion that they were worth subscribing to. After subscribing to the blogs, I realized that they may upload as many as 8 posts a day, not all of which are original -- like they saw something interesting and summarized the article and posted a link. Best/worst part is that some articles were kinda old and I've actually read the originals. So much for being motivation blogs. They were just sapping up my time (fortunately not lowering my productivity since productivity was already non-existent).

There are some other blogs that I have seen on reddit a few times. I might check those out and see how the hit:miss ratios look. A general trend I've noticed is that original content works a lot better -- duh! Just like how motivation blogs tend to point out the obvious.

Since I'm whining today, let me also add that I'm getting kind of sick of reddit. I guess there will be people who delight in reading about every little Republican/authority-related scandal. Occasionally, I find myself heading over to digg coz I can't find a single thing to read on reddit. On the bright side, it's easier to find something to read online these days. On the other hand, I'm also spending more time online coz I've to sift through all that junk.

Perhaps it's time to return to books. I don't have time for books anymore. Books are actually way better because once you find a good book, which isn't hard, you can sit down for hours and enjoy it. With blogs, it's like plunging into a haystack to find a needle. I can't tell which is more satisfying though.

It's the variety snack pack argument. If you're eating everything at once, it'll be more satisfying (you get more utility) to buy a variety pack. But if you spread one snack out over weeks, it makes more economical sense to buy things in bulk.

So I guess it depends on how you like to read. I used to dislike short stories. I still do. But articles work differently somehow, possibly because of the thrill of the search. I mean, why else would a scavenger hunt be interesting? Pink shoelaces anyone?

for a cup of hot ramen!

Oh woe is me! My roommate told me a couple of weeks ago that she had a craving for ramen, and took my one and only cup (which was incidentally left here by a visiting friend). It was nice that she told me, but she never got around to replacing it. I mean, "hey I ate your __". Fine, it's just ramen, but it's the principle really.

I had a rather privileged childhood and instant noodles (or ramen as it's called here) were a rare treat. I adored instant noodles, mostly because I wasn't given it. My mom usually bought those that came in little packs, but I was somewhat aware of the other variety, those that came in cups. But it took unusual circumstances for me to finally get my first bite of cup noodles.

I was maybe 9, or 10. I can't remember. Anyway, our family was on vacation in Hong Kong. I think it was a stopover on the way back from the US, which meant I was probably 13. But it sounds silly that I was so old when I had my first cup ramen. Maybe I was 9 or 10.

Anyway, we were mostly sick, some flu or cold, and no one wanted to get out of the hotel for real food. I also didn't like Hong Kong very much coz it was always gray and grimy when I visited. My dad went out to probably a convenience store (like 7-Eleven) and bought a few cups of ramen. Sick and not very hungry, I was still excited about my first cup of ramen. I remember it was delicious.

It was a blue-lid Nissin cup noodle, probably seafood flavored since it was blue. It had little floaty bits of carrots, corn and peas in it, and tiny bits of mostly unidentifiable seafood. You can see the tiny shrimp thought, and those were adorable. The noodles were shorter and thinner than those found in packs -- cute! They were chewier (probably coz my mom usually cook regular ramen for too long). The salty broth was sweet. I probably would have drank every last drop of it, except my parents probably stopped me coz it was unhealthy. Ah, my first cup of ramen!

I'm slightly hungry and it's rather cold tonight (forecast estimated a low of 45F). Walking home, I suddenly developed a craving for warm soup and miniature noodles in a styrofoam cup, preferably seafood flavored. Despite all those years in college, I never really had to resort to eating ramen, nor did I get the chance very much. Somewhere, buried in my mind, is that cup of ramen from years ago.

I think I'm dropping by the grocery store tomorrow. Just in case I get that once in a 12-year craving for a blue-lid cup of Nissin ramen. For now, a slice of cheese (Havarti, only Havarti) on toast must suffice.

My night's random reading

Somehow, I found myself engaged in slightly heavy reading tonight.

Article 1: An article in Der Spiegel about how the war in Iraq isn't going as badly as we think it is.

Article 2: An article from the New Yorker about the secret interrogation tactics of the CIA.

Bleak. So very bleak.

There was a period of time not so long ago when I was fascinated by East Germany, the Stasi, WWII and such, wondering how life was like under those harsh conditions. Morbid fascination about man's ability to withstand physical and psychological pain. Pondering the process of dehumanizing a human being: depriving a man of sleep, of his clothes, of his freedom to adopt a comfortable posture.

"Are you human?" The difference between a man and an animal is this: caught in a trap, an animal would chew its limb off and run away. A man would wait for the hunter to come back and take his revenge. It's not about instinct; it's about mind. The fragility of being scares me.


I used to wonder about the wisdom of bringing children into such a world. Sure, my immediate environment is safe enough. I'm happy, clothed and well-fed. I occasionally get too little sleep coz I'm having fun. But the world isn't only beautiful. Then a couple of things happened, and I decided that having children isn't pointless and cruel. In Dune, the sisters had a breeding program so that they can retain and propagate progeny from a man who has something worth preserving.

For reasons unknown, humans can be so cruel. But humanity isn't an ugly thing. If I ever do propagate, it'll be to spread the good of being human and a love for the pretty things in life. I haven't done much good in life so far. Maybe I won't get around to doing that much even though there is still time. Perhaps in an offspring, I may preserve for a little longer the joy of living. All things considered, having a baby might not be such a bad thing.

To a dear friend of mine: Good luck. Teach well.

Of candy bars

I started paying attention to chocolate last month, when the New York Times ran an article on British candy bars.

A friend was going back to the UK a few weeks ago, and I demanded that he bring me back candy bars. Apparently, customs at the Heathrow airport are pretty strict, so he didn't want to get the candy bars before checking in. Instead he got the candy bars after he got through customs. The lady mending the cashier was surprised that he was buying so many candy bars. "Where are you going to that doesn't sell candy?"

"I'm going to the US." He said, and she nodded. "I understand." I didn't realize it was common knowledge that American candy bars are inferior. I only recently found out.

I have this impression that if you're traveling and you want to buy a friend a souvenir, you'd get that person chocolates from wherever you were visiting. If you happen to be someone's guest, you'd get chocolates for that person. It's incredibly boring, but somehow it's acceptable. I now have a newfound understanding of this custom. First bite into a Flake bar, I understood what chocolate was meant to be -- creamy and sweet.

I did have a couple of other bars before that Flake bar -- a Crunchie (honeycomb covered with chocolate), and a Fudge bar (I think that's the name). I've always adored honeycomb bars when I was a kid because I loved gnawing at the honeycomb. The brand I grew up eating was Violet Crumble. The Crunchie bar had a different sort of honeycomb, less uniform and softer. It was good and it didn't stick to my teeth. But it wasn't worth raving about. Everything else I had was better, more intense, sweeter, richer than the American version, but not worth crazy raving...not until that Flake bar.

Now that my eyes are open and I've been exposed to sugary heaven, I'm feeling a little more curious about my candy bar. I'm not talking about the high end stuff, just regular candy bars that people eat on a daily basis. I'm going to rediscover my Mars and Snickers bars (I swear they used to taste better, maybe back home), and everything else. I haven't actually had American candy in a while because I don't usually take candy. But the next time I get a craving, I'll try it once more.

It's not the best new hobby. I'll have to take up something else to balance it out. In the meantime, a friend of mine is going back to Germany...