Can I really make a difference?

I was playing this game online last night, and it was rather addictive. It's about managing the cost of living of a family of 5 from Haiti. You want to keep them healthy, give them education and a way of of the cycle of poverty. Noble causes that are exactly up my alley. I can't seem to find a solution. They get sick so easily (perhaps it's the poor working conditions), healthcare is so expensive, and they keep starving. I've killed the parents twice, and I've completed the game once as of this morning. Even then, it wasn't ideal. Sure they are surviving, but things aren't great. If not by some stroke of luck (no hurricanes, free reading programs, bumper crop and such), they probably would have died. Family fortunes fluctuate a lot: one year they are saving lots, and the next year they are in the hole. By the time I was done with the 4 years I had to care for them, I wished I could have continued the game to make everyone finish their education, and see what happens to the stall they just bought. Then again, it is only just a game.

I'm reminded of how I wanted to do international aid work before I started college. Then I got sidetracked into science and kind of decided that there were better and more devoted people out there doing good. I didn't really think about it much till over a year ago when I saw The Constant Gardener, and realized that I may just be on the other side of where I want to be. Aid workers versus big pharma. I wasn't exactly with the big pharma, but I am in the same part of the world, in the same town. I don't believe that they are doing bad things, but I sure don't think that they are making things easy. Looking from my side, I do realize that discovering new medicines and all that manufacturing stuff are expensive endeavors. Yet I feel like we aren't serving everyone as well as we can.

Not that I am in a position to do much international aid work right now. I do know that I could be doing more for my community in general. I should. It'll be good for me. I don't know if I am going to make a difference. I don't know if it's enough to know that I seem to be doing something, goodness knows how effective or useful I may be. Perhaps I should ignore these doubts. There is no point in examining things too closely.

That book on happiness I'm reading? There is a story inside about someone who was shot by an arrow. Instead of examining the arrow and seeing the details of every splint, the more important thing is to get treatment and remove the arrow. The details and introspection don't matter. But it's so hard to keep that in mind.